Running out of steam

I think it finally hit me today...all of my working out the past 2 weeks and lack of caffiene is making me so run down. I think I couldve fallen asleep at a disco. I am getting lots of encouragement from hubby and my kids though. I have a doctors appointment every day next week, plus the kids are starting up karate again and I am getting ready for Vacation Bible School.
I just think Im tired today...right?

The busy life of a fat girl

Whoever reads my blog must know that I refer to myself as the fat girl...with love and affection, not to demean myself or anyone else.
Ok, that being said I have a slew of doctors appointments over the next few weeks. Some are in preparation for my surgery and some are to rule out some nerve damage that I may have and/or lasting effects of lyme disease. I told hubby that he may not see me much with all of my appointments. We live out in the boonies and so when I go "to town" its like it takes over an hour of driving time and I usually make the most of my trips. I will go by the library, the video store, grocery store, etc. I love being out in the country but being so far away from everything can stink sometimes.
I am doing good with my workouts. Dr. B said that I need to work up to 45 minutes per day. Currently I am at 30 minutes a day. I have been doing Sweatin to the Oldies and alternating it with Wii fit. But today I went to the gym and rode the bike for 30 minutes...whew. I was feeling it.

Good News/Bad News

Its been a while since I have come back to blog. I should more often, it sooo helps just to get things out. On the bright side, I FINALLY got the call for my appointment with the weight loss surgeon! I went a few weeks ago and had perma-smile on my face the entire time. I think they could have said they needed all my blood and I would have just shook my head smiling like a big dummy. I like my doctor, he seems really nice. Now I am just waiting until the first part of June to get my psych evaluation done and my nutrition appointment done. Then I can call and meet with the doctor one more time and have my surgery scheduled. woot! He said that I have to start giving up caffiene, carbonated drinks and fried foods. I have been doing great for 2 weeks! And I have started exercising every day. (((thank you Richard Simmons)))

Onto the bad news....hubby called tonight from work and said that his boss told him to be prepared for a possible deployment around September. gaaahhhhhh! I want to scream. I want to pull someones hair. I want to punch something. I love Navy life....all is good when he is home. But when he's gone I feel like my heart is just constantly hurting. We have been married 18 years and I feel like I am a newly wed most of the time. I love him...I adore him, he is my best friend. I pray for patience and not to give in to anxiety and fear.

Bein fat stinks

I wish the waiting list number would change already on the stupid website already. I know I know, the ONE girl who does scheduling for surgery has been on leave. Well, its been a freaking month already...when is she coming back??? I am so tired of being tired, not able to exercise, not able to even put a pair of tennis shoes on, not being able to get out of my huge bathtub without pulling something in my back. I just want to feel good again. Is that too much to ask? (insert violin music). I am tired of taking 7 pills in the morning and another 5 at night. Gagging and almost throwing them up. Niiiiccce, right?
On top of all this, I really really wannnnttttt my hubby home. I miss him so much, and our children have been bratty since he left. You know they were angels before, right? I guess Im just blaming it on him being gone, cause he is the toughy parent and Im the wimpy parent. Tonight Dalton tells me he needs crutches, and then asks our neighbors who cooked for us if they have any he can borrow...ummm no. The last deployment we went through a billion years ago, I would sit and eat boxes of little debbies. no kidding. thats prolly how i got so fat. nahhh I will blame that on having babies.
Oh I need to go to bed and get off my whiney horse.

Weight Loss Surgery

I have thought about having weight loss surgery (gastric bypass) for a while now. Actually I would think about it and then back away from it. Well, recently at a doctor visit I was told that I have a very very high chance of getting diabetes since my dad and brother had it. And also the big kicker is that my brother just passed away from a heart attack and my dad also had heart disease before he died. I feel like this is life or death now. And I am not about to let death win.
I went to an orientation meeting at the hospital for surgery candidates. I was all pumped up about it until they went over everything that you can wave buh bye to as far as eating goes. Rice, pasta, steak, pork (too chewy from what they said). Theres alot more to the list. I was deflated. How unrealisitic is this anyway?? Food is my love. I won't deny it. Its like crack..I love to smell it, cook it, taste it. Heck, I read cookbooks for fun. I have even tossed around the idea of going to culinary school.
So, I thought while I am on the NINE month waiting list for surgery, I will attempt everything humanly possible to take this stupid weight monster off my back. I have been seeing a personal trainer at the gym for a few days now. Her name is Angela and she is like this super excited pixie that just can't wait to see you again to kick your butt. She seems all sweet and innocent, like we are only going to do X amount of these arm exercises, piece of cake right? Yah right. I didn't hurt until last night. I thought I had the flippin flu, I hurt allllll over. Head to toe. Sneaky woman.
I hope this works. I am giving myself 6 months to see an improvement. To get below 200 pounds. Thats only 24 pounds in 6 months. If this doesn't work....I guess its gastric bypass city baybee.